In 2010 there were 121,176 marriages and out of those, 50,240 ended in divorce. That’s 792 more divorces than the year before. In this age of increased enlightenment and awareness, where brides and grooms are older and more considered, more than half of all marriages still end in divorce.
Why do so many marriages still end in divorce? The lists of reasons are all the same; adultery, communication issues, physical or emotional abuse, money issues, problems in bed, growing apart, high expectations that remain unfulfilled, family pressures and different backgrounds.
When my marriage broke down, I felt like a failure. How does it get better? What helps you face the day? I found it’s the little things like keeping yourself busy and getting a great support network around you is key. Reconnect with old friends or make new ones. Accept help when it’s offered. Be proud, but not too proud that you don’t accept the help. Sounds daunting, but it’s all these things that helped me. But I had to force myself.
The breakdown of a significant relationship is the second most difficult thing a person will go through in their lifetime after bereavement. It too involves a grieving process. How do we cope? How do we adjust to this dramatic and often unexpected change to our lives? And even harder, when there are children involved, how do we parent our way through it?
What made a huge difference to me was a sense of achievement. Setting myself goals that I knew I could achieve, and once they were done I felt such great sense of accomplishment. These were only small things and would mean various things to different people. I decided to hit the gym four days a week – I stuck to it and looked and felt all the better for it ( I decided it would have to annoy my husband if I looked hotter after breaking up). I started saving for my first overseas holiday (five days in Singapore to stay with friends that lived there). When I boarded that plane I felt like the toughest, most successful woman that had ever graced the Qantas Lounge.
Once you start ticking some goals off the list you will feel a sense of achievement and even more than that, independence. These are things you have done on your own. You know when the kids draw a picture of their family for the first time and they come running over to show you saying “Look what I did Mummy it’s a beautiful drawing” (never mind that you have seven arms and the dog has two heads) that look of bursting pride on your child’s face is how you will feel when you tick a few things off your own list. Once done, I started to feel a sense that I could really do this. I could face one of my worst fears (divorce) and survive.
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