One Step At A Time

When you suddenly find yourself single with a child (or children), it can be a nerve racking wave of emotions ranging from absolute devastation to pure white hot rage. I know I myself, and my other single mummy friends experienced those emotions. Then comes the kicker, one day it suddenly dawns on you, “who’s going to want me now?” I know I asked myself that question, more than once. And in all honesty its probably taken me till about now to turn that question around to “Whose going to be lucky enough to have me.”

Chances are that you had been in a relationship serious enough and long enough to produce a child. There is a certain level of intimacy reached after you have been through the rigours of pregnancy and your partner has watched you puff, pant and push your little miracle through the eye of a needle to deliver your precious bundle. You certainly have a bond (and no amount of divorce and separation can really break that), and you wonder how you will ever achieve that closeness again with somebody else. I know I wondered how the hell I was even going to talk to somebody else – let alone go on a date or horror of all horrors, let another man see me naked.

It does take some time to get over these fears, and it is something that I found taking step by step made it a little easier. I quickly realised that I had completely forgotten how to even talk to a man. It sounds ridiculous I know; I had lived with a man for the past eight years; I should know how to talk to a man – and anyone who knows me knows I can talk! But its different talking to your partner than talking to a man you are possibly interested in. Instead of talking about which of you need to do the school run, you need to be a witty conversationalist up on current events. This task seemed monumental to me, and I have to admit, I was scared. If I was approached in a bar I never knew what to say, so often I probably came off a little snobby bordering on rude.

A girlfriend of mine decided I needed a little help with this situation, and I would thoroughly recommend this advice to any single girl (whether yummy mummy or not). She set me up an online dating profile. I was mortified. At the time online dating had a bit of a stigma attached to it and I thought “but I’m not desperate.” But my friend pointed out some valuable advice. It was a place I could “practice” having conversations with men, with no strings attached, sitting on my lounge in my daggy pyjamas and the beauty of it was they didn’t know me (or just how daggy my pyjamas with the love hearts all over them were) and if I didn’t like where the conversation was going or had no interest in them – bang you just shut down the computer.  Eventually there will be someone you speak to that makes you feel at ease, then someone you wouldn’t mind grabbing a coffee with, then maybe dinner. Who knows what could happen after that. You may not date anyone that you meet on a website but it is a great, safe way to chat to other people and help you get ready for the world of the single yummy mummy.

I have had people encourage me with well meaning advice to get over heartbreak including “Just forget about it, go have a one night stand that will make you feel better.” For me, that’s not the case, what I needed was time and some healing. It’s an oldie and cliché, but it’s true, time really does heal all wounds, and once your wounds heal, you’re ready for anything.  So girls, when you’re ready, take it a step at a time and enjoy yourselves.

About yummymummydatingguide

I am mother, a dater, a shopper and a wannabe world-traveller (and full-time worker). I get equal pleasure from sharing a bag of sour worms with my son as I do getting dressed up for a night out or flying to a new destination.

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